The Controller saboteur is a force many of us know well, especially those who have experienced grief and trauma. It’s that inner drive to take charge, manage every detail, and ensure everything is in order. While the Controller often feels like a survival tool, it can come at a hidden cost—one that shows up in our relationships and complicates our healing journey.

In our recent webinar, we took a deep dive into the Controller saboteur. Whether you’re familiar with the concept or hearing about it for the first time, this discussion is packed with insights into how this drive for control works, why it intensifies during times of grief and trauma, and how quieting it can open the door to healthier connections and inner peace.

Here’s a preview of some of the key points we covered. Be sure to watch the full webinar at the bottom to learn even more!

What Is the Controller Saboteur?

The Controller is that voice urging us to manage situations, guide others, and keep a tight grip on things—especially when life feels unpredictable or overwhelming. This drive to control often intensifies for those dealing with grief or trauma, where a sense of control can provide temporary relief. However, over time, the Controller’s influence can deepen our struggles, keeping us stuck in survival mode rather than moving toward healing.

“The Controller saboteur is like an inner survival mechanism,” we shared in the webinar. “It often activates in response to pain, anxiety, or uncertainty, but it can end up reinforcing those same feelings.”

Key Traits of the Controller

During the webinar, we explored the traits commonly seen in those with a strong Controller saboteur, including:

• Efficiency and Decisiveness: Quickly taking charge to avoid difficult emotions or situations.

• Confidence and Persistence: An intense belief in one’s own approach, driven by a need for safety.

• Goal-Orientation and Willfulness: Focusing on outcomes as a way to regain a sense of control.

While these traits can be strengths, when intensified by the Controller, they often push us to extremes, deepening stress and keeping us from fully engaging in relationships and personal growth.

The Impact on Relationships, Grief, and Trauma Recovery

For those grappling with grief or trauma, the Controller’s influence can become especially challenging in relationships. This need for control, though well-intentioned, can make others feel pushed aside, creating tension, impatience, and misunderstandings.

In the webinar, we shared stories of how the Controller can impact family dynamics, friendships, and even the way we relate to God. As we discussed, “In times of loss or pain, the urge to control can actually isolate us further, making it harder to connect and share with those who want to support us.”

Moving from Control to Connection and Healing

If you’re curious about how letting go of control can open the door to better relationships and support your healing journey, you’ll want to watch the full webinar! We explore practical techniques for quieting the Controller and making room for compassion, patience, and acceptance.

For those dealing with grief and trauma, learning to recognize and soften the Controller is an essential step. Through specific exercises, you can begin to release the need for control, which helps create space for healing and true connection with loved ones.

Ready to take the next step? Watch the full webinar below to see how understanding the Controller saboteur can create room for more peace, balance, and healing in your life.