The Most Dangerous Thing in Grief

Let me start by sharing something I’ve learned the hard way: avoiding grief feels easier in the moment, but in the long run, it’s exhausting and even more painful. I didn’t want to face the ache of losing my mom. Instead, I covered it up. I kept myself busy, chasing excitement, and looking to people to give me an emotional high that masked my sorrow. I thought that if I could just distract myself enough, the pain would go away.

But here’s the thing: it didn’t. My avoidance made the grief worse. What felt like a shortcut—avoiding the hard work of grieving—turned into a roadblock. I ended up carrying the same pain for nine long years, and it began to spill into other parts of my life.

Does this resonate with you? Maybe you’ve been trying to manage your grief by keeping it at arm’s length. But what if that approach is only making things harder?

How We Sabotage Our Healing in Grief

Grief can feel like such a heavy burden that we instinctively try to make it lighter. For me, I blamed myself for my mom’s death because of some of the choices she made. In my mind, if I could be perfect—never make a mistake—I wouldn’t feel the same kind of loss again. Perfectionism became my shield. Maybe for you, it’s something different:

• Are you constantly keeping yourself busy, hoping the distractions will dull the pain?

• Do you find yourself seeking emotional highs—through relationships, entertainment, or accomplishments—just to avoid sitting with your sorrow?

• Do you feel stuck, unsure why you always feel like crying or why the sadness keeps sneaking up on you when you least expect it?

Here’s the hard truth I learned: avoiding grief doesn’t make it go away. It just buries it deeper, where it continues to grow and affect your life in ways you don’t even realize.

Why Do I Feel Like Crying All the Time? Understanding Emotional Overload

If you’ve been asking yourself, "Why do I feel like crying all the time?" or "Why do I suddenly feel like crying for no reason?" you’re not alone. Grief can manifest in unexpected ways, leaving us emotionally overwhelmed. Sometimes, we might feel like crying but can’t, or we experience sudden waves of sadness with no apparent trigger. This is a sign that unresolved grief is still affecting us deeply.

Rather than burying these emotions, it’s essential to acknowledge and process them. Crying is a natural part of healing—a release that allows us to confront our pain instead of avoiding it.

The Almost Impossible Thing: Fully Surrendering to Christ

When I read C.S. Lewis’s words about surrendering everything to Christ, it hit me: this is exactly what I wasn’t doing. Surrendering my grief to Him felt terrifying. What if I let it all out, and the pain became too much to handle? What if I couldn’t put myself back together again?

But the truth is, holding on to my grief and trying to manage it on my own was far harder than surrendering. I was like the field C.S. Lewis described—a field full of grass, trying to produce wheat. I could tidy up the surface, but deep down, nothing was changing because I hadn’t let Christ plow up my heart and plant something new.

Maybe you’re in that place too. Maybe you’re trying to balance personal happiness while managing grief, hoping to find some sort of middle ground. But as C.S. Lewis reminds us, a thistle can’t produce figs. True healing requires transformation, and transformation can only happen when we surrender completely to Christ.

How Intensive Counseling Supports True Healing

I didn’t get to this place of surrender overnight, and I couldn’t do it alone. One of the most life-changing steps I took was pursuing counseling. My clients do the same thing except I offer them what I didn’t have access to which is… intensive counseling. These 3-5 hour sessions give you the time and space to really dive deep, to uncover the ways you are sabotaging your own healing.

Intensive counseling is different from weekly therapy. Instead of inching along, session by session, you have the time to explore your pain, identify the unhealthy patterns you’ve developed, and start laying them down at Christ’s feet. For me, it was about realizing how my busyness and perfectionism were just masks for my grief.

Maybe for you, it’s uncovering why you "feel like crying all the time" or why you "suddenly feel like crying" for no apparent reason. Maybe it’s learning to release the guilt, anger, or sadness you’ve been carrying for far too long. With the help of a counselor who’s trained to walk with you through this process, you can begin to surrender fully to Christ and allow Him to transform your heart. Find

Grief Support Services: A Path to Hope

Grief support services are invaluable for those navigating loss. These services can include faith-based counseling, online grief management resources, and local community support groups. They provide tools to help you process your emotions and find healing in the company of others who understand your journey.

Whether it’s through one-on-one counseling or group settings, grief support can help you:

• Understand the stages of grief and how they manifest in your life.

• Identify and break free from self-sabotaging behaviors.

• Lean into your faith as a source of strength and renewal.

If you are not sure where to start, you can check out our grief counseling page and we will help you understand what your needs are and what you can do for next steps.

Conclusion: Choosing the Hardest but Safest Path

Facing your grief feels hard. Trusting Christ with your pain feels even harder. But I’ve learned that it’s the safest and most freeing choice you can make. The road of avoidance, distraction, or self-sufficiency only leads to more heartache. But when we surrender our grief to Christ, He meets us in our brokenness and begins to rebuild something beautiful.

If this speaks to your heart, I encourage you to take a brave step toward healing.

Don’t carry your grief alone. Contact us today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward surrender and healing.