Why Grief Feels So Heavy: Battling the Inner Critic
“He knows why you're still grieving. He knows the complexity of your pain. And He offers compassion, not condemnation.”
When you’re grieving, it’s not just the loss that weighs on your heart—it’s the voice that follows. That inner critic whispers:
"You should’ve done more."
"You should be stronger by now."
"Why are you still crying?"
This voice, known as the Judge in the Positive Intelligence model, intensifies grief by layering guilt, shame, and self-condemnation onto already deep emotional pain. And sadly, for many Christians, that voice can sound spiritual—but it’s not from God.
The Inner Critic's Role in Prolonged Grief
Grief is already one of life’s greatest emotional and spiritual challenges. But when the inner critic gets involved, it can feel unbearable. This voice judges not just the circumstances, but you:
“Why do I always feel like crying?”
“I should be over this by now.”
“I’m weak. I’m a burden. I’m doing this wrong.”
This is what Positive Intelligence refers to as mental saboteurs—patterns of thought that hijack our peace and sabotage our healing. The Judge is the chief saboteur. And in grief, it’s brutal.
This inner Judge plays off of deeply spiritual people by twisting truth into guilt. But here's the good news: you are not called to be your own judge.
J.B. Phillips and the Truth About God’s Grace in Grief
Author J.B. Phillips wrote powerfully about this inner condemnation in light of 1 John 3:20:
“If our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things.”
He calls this voice the “tyrannical super-Me,” and reminds us that while we may feel consumed by guilt or sadness, God’s grace runs deeper. We are not qualified to condemn ourselves. Only God knows all the influences on our pain—our background, trauma, relationships, and limitations.
We didn’t choose our heredity or our upbringing. And yet the inner critic shows us no mercy.
But God does.
He knows why you're still grieving. He knows the complexity of your pain. And He offers compassion, not condemnation.
If you're struggling with deep grief, guilt, or shame, our grief counseling services are here to walk with you in truth and grace.
Mental Fitness: A Christian Approach to Quieting the Inner Critic
We teach people to strengthen their minds and their souls through the Unlocking Mental Fitness program—a 7-week intensive journey that integrates neuroscience with Scripture-based healing. Clients learn how to:
Identify and quiet the Judge and other saboteurs
Build their Sage voice (the God-reflecting voice of truth and peace)
Practice daily tools to build resilience and hope
Heal emotional pain from grief with spiritual and mental clarity
Grief Doesn’t Need Judgment—It Needs Grace
If grief has left you feeling stuck, heavy, or ashamed, know this: God is greater than your heart. He doesn’t call you to carry that guilt. He calls you to Himself.
Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). That includes rest from the inner critic.
Watch our on-demand webinar or contact us today to book a free consultation.